| SELF-HELP _____________________________________ Self-help-What is it? Self-help is a way of trying to reconcile one's life in a form that is acceptable, relevant and comforting to the person thus asking for help in their life. It should not be emotional. I am frightened by the titles and content of the material available to people who require help with their own person because they (these books) generally rely on an emotional response from the reader. 'Men who Hate Women', 'Women who Hate Men', and such titles. I deplore this means to inveigle a reader to subject their minds to this nonsense. The titles, by the way, are usually conceived by the publishers, not the authors; the content may be somewhat worthy. Be wary of your purchase. I have struggled (and still struggle) with my identity. Who am I? What am I? Self-help books only condemned me to do what I have always done, think for myself and allow my body to be the reason and judgement for what I do. Of later years, I have relied upon my feelings. My life (and others) is the better for it. So this is just another self-help booklet? No. It is not at all pretentious. Its what I think and above all, what I feel. Nothing else. Self-help-Can it help? Only if you want it to and are prepared to look into yourself; the only worthy cause. Self-help-Does it work? Only if you want it to and are prepared to look into yourself the only worthy cause. Please read on: DISSERTATION: FEELINGS v. EMOTIONS We are born upon a planet which we have called Earth. No-one asks to be here. But since we are here, we have claim to our own person. No-one else (in any shape or form) has any claim to our own person for whatever reason. After we are born we are then forced to enter into a World which has been created by others to our detriment. We are (unfortunately), then part of the history of this World and the disasters incurred therein and thereupon this Earth. The Earth works (positive). The World doesn't (negative). I am part of this earth, I am not part of this World (the author). Despite the horrors perpetrated by the World, the earth carries on in its own way because it must be 'positive' and is self-regulating. It must be positive because it 'feels' (in its own way). Because it 'feels' it must; it has no choice. Those feelings must always be positive and foregoing and changing because that is the nature of the earth. The World does not work because it is negative; it is not self-regulating. It does not 'feel' because it is the subject of emotions. It attempts to make itself static. We are often caught in the dilemma between our feelings and our emotions because we do not understand the distinction between them since we have never been taught. This leads us to our unhappiness. We are unhappy because we have been taught emotions (like and dislike) and we live in these emotions, mainly, and not our feelings. EMOTIONS ARE NOT FEELINGS What are feelings? Feelings are what we experience within our bodies. We all know what they are because we feel them. Feelings make us comfortable with ourselves and because of that, others. They evoke pleasures. No guilt, no shame. Feelings are the only reality we can know i because they are inside us. We are the only persons in our body. Feelings do not evoke emotions. What are emotions? Emotions are not inside us. They are outside of us. They are provoked by others to us for their use to control us. Emotions make us like or dislike something. They may provoke feelings but they are not feelings within us. Guilt and shame attached. ONLY YOU ARE INSIDE YOUR HEAD There is a frightening thought that you are alone in your thinking and actions and behaviours: I've been there. The 'feeling' thought is that you are not alone. Others will have thought as you do, acted as you have, whatever it is. They've done what you do, whatever. Whatever your feelings are, that's okay. That's positive because feelings can't ever be negative. Only when you mix emotions (which come from outside of you) and feelings do you come to grief. Emotions are not feelings. I, (the writer) have feelings, You (the reader) have feelings. These feelings are basic to our nature, they are us, as individuals as another form of animal. These feelings are about our sexuality, both in terms of our gender and our nature. These feelings are part of us, whether we like it or not. That is because the 'like it or not' are emotions which were imposed upon us since birth. If I feel something is correct or not correct, (that is, appropriate or not appropriate), then I react in some way to their influence, positively. Since this is positive, then my actions are regarded by others as feelings for them to feel and they are positive. These must be positive feelings. The feeling I get from these outside behaviours is the correct one, for me. It can only be a positive one, since feelings can never be negative, otherwise they become emotions, which are not feelings. THERE IS A WAY TO A BETTER WORLD It is because the world at present is driven by emotions (negative and not self-regulating) that nearly everyone is so unhappy and therefore make others unhappy; being driven by the same drivers In this way, our lives are controlled by others. The way to a better world, is for us to live true to our own feelings. As I said before, these feelings are positive and self-regulating; thus do we become happy and it is this happiness that exudes from us to others, there being no driver required. In this way, our lives are controlled by us. The feeling person is not subject to any other outside influence. The feeling person does not need 'laws'. The feeling person abides by mutual rules for the comfort of everybody. The emotional person is always subject to others' control, there is no way out. The emotional person is subject to 'laws' (and rules) to the discomfort of everybody. It is surely not an easy task to revert to our feelings for the guidance to our lives when, for so long, we have been used to obeying the wishes of others. I don't think anyone really wants to be controlled by others. That's because, somewhere deep inside us, our feelings are there, trying to surface but are being controlled by the emotions of others that we have been taught from Day One. We are (homo sapiens) all what we then call 'human'. We all have feelings. That they have been or become suppressed is a sad condition of our lives. Be that as it may, or may not. It is up to us, if we want to, to revert back to our feelings. 'If in doubt, don't'; goes the old adage. This is the feeling side of our nature, thus recognised. The way to approach any situation is to ask yourself: 'Do I feel it is right?' (The so-called 'gut-feeling'). It's also called 'female intuition' because it seems that biologically, women are better with feelings than men. This, I think, is because women have a better survival instinct than most men since they had to look after the man (classically providers) and children (classically defenceless until mature). Feelings, since they are positive, can never lead to an incorrect decision. It is the emotions which lead to possibly incorrect decisions. I would have to say that a possible positive decision based on emotions, is probably driven by feelings, flaring up to exert their influence! A mixture of the two (unsureity) provides a difficulty. This difficulty is only overcome by reference to a feeling, not an emotion (like or dislike). No-one said life was easy! Please remember that there is no Truth, only truths. There is no Beauty, only beauties. There is no Justice, only justices. These things are only inside us; they are not outside. Ghost in the imachine. God in the machine. The machine is us, here, now. The people we love and have loved are inside us because they evoked positive feelings. when we call upon these people (for help, for example) we are appealing to the feeling part of us that remembers how they felt about us. Thus, when I call upon my dead father for help, I am appealing to the positive thoughts he left within me and his answer will be there. It is my experience that feelings never change. Emotions can and do. I still have the same feelings about my own self, that I did when I was old enough to be aware of myself, stripped of emotional content. Think about this hard enough and you will probably agree. If you don't, perhaps you are not ready to live without emotions. We have been taught to live by emotions to such an extent that feelings have been relegated to the pathetic, wimpy behaviours This is not so. The greatest men and women have driven themselves by their feelings, not by their emotions. Their actions have been mostly misinterpreted by others because the others were driven my emotions. The greatest men and women have performed positive, practical, works for the benefit of others because they were driven by feelings, not emotions. Fear drives Man because it is based on ignorance of experience, emotional content and lack of knowledge that do not allow feelings to rule. The unhappy, emotional people are afraid to allow their feelings to surface, lest they lose control of others. They fear loss of control of others because they won't let their feelings surface. It's a viscous circle. Day in, day out, the world appeals to the emotions via the media. Whatever the excuse for their behaviours in presenting their own tailored version of what happened or is happening is absolute nonsense and totally useless to the feeling person. This world they have created, means nothing. It does not account for the beauties that surround us. It accounts for nothing that is positive or what is sensed the human animal it has degraded. Their notion, incorrectly, is 'Nobody likes good news'. That is because people act on emotions (which they adhere to), not feelings, which are our genetic heritage. What is the point of worrying ('stressing out) on something over which you can have no control? You are here, now: You have a life to live. Why try to live through the fake lives of others, or through those you cannot change unless you personally can do something practical (and I don't mean an 'arm-chair' action)? The world can only change by local action. The most local, is you. There is no point whatever in concerning yourself with a global view of the world since you can not affect it globally. Change back into feeling mode (the mode you were born with but very soon lost). You will not be disappointed. WHY I BELIEVE MOST MARRIAGES FAIL In the light of the statement that feelings are not emotions, it should become obvious that most marriages have relied on an emotional context and therefore fail. There is no secret to the notion that human beings have feelings for each other, and that these can be very strong. The feelings are positive, therefore we are looking at love and not Love. That is, there are many types of love which stem from feelings towards another. Only when emotions come into play (like and dislike) do problems arise. No-one loves another all the time, with the same degree of feeling. That is because feelings fluctuate due to the enormous amount of data that is constantly bombarding us. We have to live as well as love. The pressures on a couple who have strong feelings for each other are tremendous. Those pressures have nothing to do with the feelings the couple have for each other, that is their private affair. The pressure is to get these two individuals together under some pretext of those feelings (which they equate with Love) lasting for eternity. Remember that the notion of 'romantic love' is a recent one. Having a couple perform a certain rite to 'conjugate' their perhaps living together, is a matter of control and tradition invented by controllers. It is outside the couple's feelings and is therefore not relevant to them. Marriage ceremonies are for those surrounding the couple, not the couple themselves: Their feelings matter, nothing else, Since the rite of marriage does nothing to keep a couple together, (since it has no control of the couple's feelings), it is a nonsense with no value to feelings whatsoever. Because of the 'hype' surrounding the marriage rite and the existing emotions that are perpetrated by outsiders, those feelings that the couple once had, often break down over time. The couple is forced into a situation where their feelings are swamped by others (these others' expectations of the marriage, ensuing children and so on). The couple then pretend that all is right with the world, irresponsibly have babies and performing other acts to then 'keep the marriage together' for others' sakes. This rarely works and the couple split leaving probably another human being to be worked upon by an emotional society that cares not a jot for an individual's feelings. The circle continues. Rites of passage are about control, they are not about human feelings. All flora and fauna have feelings of some kind, even if they are merely (in terms of human thought) only chemical/electrical bonds. The degree to which those feelings are developed is a matter of environment and natural selection outside human control, although the pretence is otherwise. (Human: try anti-cycloning a cyclone!) Only human beings have developed emotions; to their potential downfall, (unless they realise otherwise). It is my belief, therefore, that a persons' feelings are NEVER the province of others, by whomsoever, by whatsoever by whysoever, or whensoever. I also believe that the concept behind what I have just said, is applicable to all walks of life, not necessarily marriage. WHAT IS LIFE? Life is merely (!) the influx and outflow of energy. I do not believe that there is anything mysterious about this. In a sense, surely magical! We are all individuals because we are all created differently. That is the nature of sexual reproduction; variety. It follows that we all have differing levels of awareness of our surroundings. We do not all see things the sane way, hear things the same way or sense things the same way. People vary considerably in what they feel, therefore. There is the old adage that 'you can't show red to a blind man'. He can, though sense things that sighted people can't because his faculties have developed along different lines. How do you communicate if you are deaf and blind? The answer must be touch and feelings. John Varley wrote a magnificent short story called 'The Persistence of Vision' (1978) which illustrates the point. Somewhere along our line of evolution we have lost the ability to communicate with feelings and they have became displaced by emotions (like and dislike). An emotional way of life will only keep us unhappy. As I said earlier, the media do all they can to keep the emotions rolling ( AT YOUR EXPENSE), though they often try to show otherwise. All the magazines you may purchase are intimidating, bullying and worthless. They say absolutely nothing but what they tell you you want to hear. Who gives a damn! You have no control over these people's lives; what do they do for you? Nothing. It doesn't work for those who want to be happy. It works fine for those who want to mull in their own unhappiness and foist it upon others. . WHAT IS DEATH? Death is a state devoid of inflow of energy, thus do our feelings die. If there were a life after death, it would surely be on a level of awareness that we do not now possess or understand and is therefore irrelevant. The notion that life is so unhappy in this world that there must be a better place, is poor thinking and based on emotions, fed to us from birth. These are not our feelings. If you live your life working with your feelings (and it can take a long time, since we are led to work with emotions) you will never go backwards because you will always look at your feelings and yourself and remain positive. You must question yourself: Does this give me a good feeling? If it doesn't, get rid of whatever is causing the problem/emotion (you may need help for this). You can safely drop the emotion even if it seems contrary to what you previously thought. You will no longer fear death because you embrace life (however it is for you). You won't know when you are dead. You don't know you are asleep; you just are. If you have ever had an accident, you will know how quick it happened. Fell over? Banged your head? It's that quick! We fear death because we have been led to believe, erroneously, that there is a place after death. There isn't. No-one dead has shown conclusively, that there is a life after death. I have to say I get a bad feeling when I hear people promoting this 'life after death' notion. I do not think it is a comfort. I think the opposite; it breeds a fear in people (designed by controllers). We all say we don't want to die, especially when we embrace life. But death is part and parcel of life. Things die around us and within us, every minuscule part of a second. The fact is, we won't be conscious of our death, anyway. That seems to be the fear that others put into us. The only people who are conscious of our death are the living. So why be unhappy about it? Those who fear death are not embracing life. Life is now, this moment. Past and future are inventions to help us cope with life; they don't exist 'out there'. They don't help us cope with life. 'Life is for the living', wrote John Denver. He's dead but goes on living in us because his music lives within us as a pleasant feeling. I liked the feeling of the line (and his songs, bless them) and because it gave me a pleasant feeling, I remember it, along with the song. |
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