THE DUPLEX NOTION
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    Men and women seem to be totally incompatible. How they ever come together to make a partnership seems to be a miracle of animal magnetism and media presentation of  this anomaly. Drawn together by sex, they go to incredible lengths to hold together something that is not workable.
    There must, therefore, be a reasonable way to break this chain of what seems to be: 'I'm married, therefore you must be', (especially if some-one is pregnant). the number of humans (wherever they are subjected to Western thought) who live in misery because of this notion must be enormous. They live in misery.
    This is the subject of the Duplex Notion.

History
    A family should be a unit of individuals living together for the mutual benefit of those within it (that is, harmoniously). This is the ideal. Ideals, however, are hard to realise but positive action forwards (that is, thinking about it) must be made to realise that ideal.
    None of us are taught marriage-hood or parenthood the same way we may have been taught housewifery (I wonder if there is a male equivalent of housewifery?). There are no experts, only sufferers. The knowledge of these things comes afterwards (when often too late), not before.
    Marriage is based on ancient (and misguided, in my view) ideas that no longer have relevance. These ideas certainly have not kept pace with the modern society in which we are forced to live. Human relationships are still in the Dark Ages.
    These ideas are perpetrated by our parents (who knew as little as we do, or less), self-authorised religious groups, political dictatorships ('government'), and the media. These ideas are false. There are vested interests in perpetrating the myth of family. They generate money. They make people spend more than they earn. They perpetrate the myth that everyone has a right to have children. This is absolute nonsense.

The Problems
    When we get over the initial fascination of marriage ('I love you; you love me: whoopee!' (which is a religious concept, not a real one) we are then being forced to breed, purchase myriad quantities of houses, food, clothes, fancy nappies and so on. We call this marriage. The love/lust is gone. The honeymoon, as they say, is over. Get on with the job. But what is the job?
    Sooner or later, the couple realise that they want their individuality. They need their space. They didn't talk about this, so it produces conflict. Somewhere along the line we have lost control of our own lives and are in some way controlled by others.
    I always had this notion of the two-is-One syndrome but retaining our own individuality. This has proved disastrously unrealistic (in my case). Once the rot has set in, the marriage as we thought of it, has gone. We might try to change things (move away, start a 'new' life etc.) but this does not work because we haven't sorted out the things that caused the problem in the first place. The problems must be confronted and if not solved, then other measures must be put in place, whatever they are, for the benefit of the individuals, themselves. If these issues are not, as they say, addressed, then conflict and 'open warfare' will ensue. The final cut.
    Now, is the time to re-appraise our situation, whatever. We must find out why we got married (or whatever) and whether we still want this or not. There is no guilt or shame for these feelings. they are positive ways of looking at our problems.
    We all need our space, however narrow that may be. This concept of 'space' has, unfortunately reached clichéd proportions. Nevertheless, space is very important. VERY important.
    The problem with a lot of people getting married is that, apart from the fact that 'society' demands it (in its own weird way), is that no 'ground rules' are set for subsequent behaviours of the couple. A friend of mine, many years ago, maintained that both he and she (or she and he) had a least one day a week when they did their own thing, if they wanted to. Makes sense to me. That is without the jealousies that may be involved (because of 'hang-ups' of the other partner 'having some-one else' or finding some-one else). If jealousies become apparent, then the marriage lives on the abyss of disaster already.
    The worst possible marriage is where a couple 'live out of each others' pocket'. If for one reason or another one partner goes, the other is left in 'limbo', without a place to go; hanging in mid-air, saying: Where am I? Some people jump from one relationship to another without thought of why the first partnership died, hoping to find what was lost or never there. This is not being in control of your life.

A Possible Solution

The Duplex Notion
    Inevitable though it might have been, I tried everything to get back my wife after she decided, for her own reasons, to leave me. I didn't want the finality of it (the divorce). I even considered living apart but be able to get together when we wanted (for whatever reason). This notion, many years later, has become the Duplex Notion.
    After talking to a great many people and hearing their successes and failures (for goodness sake, not all marriages are failures) I have developed this simple idea. It seems to make a lot of sense if you really think about it.
    Imagine the scenario. Two people want to get together to share part or most of their lives. They buy or rent a duplex. They each live in one home. They can get together at mutual convenience. They have their space, their own individual homes. They have to be invited in. This last statement is crucial. The concept of being invited in means that the person inviting has the control of saying yes or no to the visit, thus  domestic violence could be reduced because one or other partner can tell the other to leave and after one incident can close the door upon the other, then decide what to do from there on.
    When and if children are born, they can share the parents in a way that is impossible when they are all living together. As each parent would have their own life-style, the the children will share much more. I know it sounds radical but thinking differently, it makes sense.
    What this couple has, could be the best of all worlds. They can have their freedom. They can have space to move around. They can go where and when they please. They can share the children with a quality life. Their loyalty towards each other can be built on trust, not jealousy. (If some-one is going to cheat, marriage will not prevent this). Whatever can be done in one home can be done better in two.
    Think of the happiness when the two meet. This is the same as courting. There would be perpetual courtship as long as the relationship lasted. And if it doesn't last, then so what? It wouldn't last anyway. The children don't have to suffer. In fact they are better off with the parents living apart; they get two homes, two different types of love and at any time, everything can be shared.
    You can think of more benefits than I can for this scenario. It makes sense if you discuss it. And, if in later years, when the sane children have grown up and you decide to sell the two houses and buy a small one for you both, then this article will have been worth the writing.



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