THE OLDER PERSON ____________________     There is no such thing as an old person. Attitudes to age are determined by social and political mores. Forget the euphemisms (words meant to say something that seems less disagreeable than the one we all know and love/hate) like aged, old person, elderly and so on. From birth to the grave we only get older. We are always older than some-one else. Retirement     Older is what most people think of in terms of retirement. Retirement seems to be another euphemism for getting old. "Over the hill" is fifty, so what's left?     This is the scenario: You get married. You have kids. The kids grow up. They have kids. You are grandparents, therefore you are old, have nothing better to do than look after their kids while they enjoy themselves. Nonsense!     Alternative scenario: You get married. You have separate interests (if you don't, get them quickly!). You have a life together which is not living out of each others' pockets. You have kids because you want them. They have kids. They know you have a life so they don't impose on it and they look after their own kids (and enjoy themselves) and you enjoy yourselves. Get Neil Simon to write the screenplay! Retirement is Death / not Death     For many men, retirement (early or "normal") is literal death. Why is this? It is precisely because men have no interests beyond the mundane. They have few practical interests that take them beyond their working world. The male chauvinistic opinion is that they (men) are "men". The hairy chest and so on. Men behave in a certain way (usually pathetic if they rely on the control of their wives or others). They read newspapers (heaven forbid!). They watch sport on television (even more heaven forbid!). "The remote's mine!" All this is pretty corny but often true.     A person needs an interest that is above and beyond their work which should be started earlier in life. An interest is not a family. A family is self-produced and therefore exempt. An interest is something that may be shared with a spouse/friend or a friend but it is sacrosanct to that person. An interest is something that is started in more youthful times (at whatever age). It is ongoing, not a "five minute wonder". It must also be realistic.     An interest derives from pleasures found in a more "youthful" state. It should not result from that portrayed by any media. The media seeks to control. It says, watch this sport, eat this junk food, read this paper, do this thing, contribute to this lottery, gamble, drink and so on. Nonsense! Get rid of these cravings. Think for yourself. Women and Age     After the children have grown up and gone away there is often a vacuum, but a lot of women realise that they can now start to do things for themselves that they have shelved during the years of bringing up a family (and often the husband!). They begin to realise that they now have a New Life and they want to go ahead and live it. If the husband is not conducive to this, there begins a rift often ending in divorce.     Conversely, many men seem to think that when the children have gone, they can relax and begin a "quiet" life. In a word, deadly. It begins the rot that can only end in misery, especially if the wife is now embarking on her New Life. Realisation of this alone could prevent a two-way split, however that may manifest itself. Death or Going Away of a Wife     It's pretty sad that because two people live so close to each other, without having separate interests, that when the wife dies or goes away, the husband is so devastated that he often finds no reason to go on himself. It is precisely because he has nothing else in his life that this happens.     Women cope better than men in this respect because women seem to have a stronger instinct for self-preservation. It is biological rather than psychological. However, it is there. Men seem not to have such a strong instinct. Either they have lost it, or they have allowed so much more control over their lives that they can't live without this control. This is why men often get married again soon after a divorce or death. I am not saying women don't do this but they can cope much better. Being Dynamic     I constantly use this expression when discussing things with my dear sister (who is "older" than me). Being dynamic means having things to do. This means action. Reading a paper, watching the television, listening to the radio and so on, is not action. It is a respite from action.     All humans are creative. Being dynamic means finding something to create. Something that is on-going, something that could last another life-time. And remember, being disabled never stopped people from being creative. There are thousands of things to do and be.     I live on my own because that is my preference. My sister lives with her husband. My sister and I are about to start a new business, fancy dress hire. I already have another business restoring old photographs and making CD's for other people. I have already done enough to fill two or three life-times of most people and I still will go on until the end. I will never grow "old" because I keep my mind active and positive. Anyone can do this. Uses for Older People     I believe that we most of us need to change our attitude towards the concept of being older. We are all older than some-one. If we share ourselves with others, they will see that we have something to offer them and they will accept it gracefully. It is us who must bring about this change, not expect others to change. At present, the thinking is the wrong way round.     In what I call "civilised" societies, that is those who retain as much as possible of their nativeness, the older people are called "elders". These souls are revered because they have knowledge and wisdom or just that they have lived and experienced things. We all have this ability. We must use it.     For example, with so much "father hunger" brought about by the sicknesses within our society, there is a great need for boys and girls to "bounce" off some-one older, especially a man. Although the young need to be taught this, it is up to us to go out there and do something about it. This is being dynamic, not letting some-one else do the job for us. This is taking control of our own lives, not letting others do it for us. Conclusion     Age is the process of getting older. You do not get old, you get older. Age should be measured in wisdom, knowledge and experience, not days, months and years. All of us have distributable wisdom, knowledge and experience. We need to be dynamic enough to distribute it. Being dynamic is being creatively active. If you live with a partner, to survive you need separate interests as well as common ones.     Remember, it should be "I can", not "I can't". "Can't" usually means don't want to. Always try to turn negatives into positives. I've proved it can be done.     Have a great (active) day!

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